I've been diabetic for a long time. Gestational diabetes first reared it's head when I was pregnant with The Teenager (who actually turns 21 this year) but I also had pre eclampsia and a few other more pressing concerns (abrupted placenta, anyone?) that sort of hogged the limelight. Anyway, it went away after my baby was born via emergency cesarean at 31 weeks. I had a lot to be preoccupied with.
11 years later I was pregnant with The Gentleman, and was sent along for the dreaded Glucose Test, the results of which showed that not only did I have gestational diabetes, I probably had undiagnosed full blown type 2 diabetes. And the test was right! I remained diabetic after my baby was born (via elective Cesarean at 39 weeks). Although this pregnancy and the next where an unpleasant routine of finger prick tests and needles, once I had my babies in my arms the needles where over, and I took insulin in tablets. Which is annoying, but fairly civilized.
I've tried to be reasonable about having diabetes. I have a love affair with food but I try to stick loosely to diabetic diet guidelines. I exercise a fair bit. I walk (fast) about 6 - 8 hours a week. I have some extra kilos that are stupidly hard to move, but I persevere with living my life the best I can, like anyone else. I keep my doctors appointments and I don't skip my medication. This is clearly not enough.
I understand the connection between being overweight and having diabetes, I'm not an idiot. I know I am overweight, and mostly have been for the majority of my life. I have many, many relatives with diabetes, going back a few generations, and this substantially increases your risks of developing diabetes type 2. Knowing this, and despite my best efforts, I still haven't managed to lose the extra weight. I've never been above a size 18, but even if I had been, I don't deserve diabetes. No one does.
A few years ago my doctor told me to start taking insulin via a needle, once a day, as well as the handful of tablets I am taking as a before bed snack. I mourned a bit but got on with it. Yesterday, despite mybest clearly not good enough efforts to be reasonably healthy, she prescribed some more. Now, I need to take an insulin injection at every meal, as well as the before bed one. I also need to do finger prick tests 6 times a day.
This just fucking sucks. I know it is what my body needs, I get that managing a chronic disease means taking ongoing treatment that might be unpleasant and uncomfortable, and I KNOW that things could be so much worse. I know that becoming a pin cushion is comparatively easy compared to many other far worse things. I know there are people dying of all manner of nasty diseases, I know that there are children starving in third world countries and here I am whinging like the privileged first world girl that I am. With my first world medical issue, in a first world epidemic.
Forgive me, but it still fucking sucks.
It's just a few needles, right? It's just managing my diet (what I eat, when I eat, when I inject) The alternative is maybe having my legs amputated in a decade or so. Maybe I might not get to see my grandchildren, because if I have not died an early death, I might be blind. So obviously there is no choice to be considered.
Diabetes type 2 is apparently one of the dangers of the 'obesity epidemic'. The problem with this popular media headline is that it kinda feels like a judgement call on fat people, that somehow they deserve diabetes and they only have themselves to blame. If you think this is true, please go and fuck yourself. Not all overweight people develop diabetes.There are lots of people with diabetes type 2 that are considerable not overweight. Obviously this is not me. But please don't tell me I deserve to have diabetes, because I might rip you a new one.
xx
(linking to FYBF)
11 years later I was pregnant with The Gentleman, and was sent along for the dreaded Glucose Test, the results of which showed that not only did I have gestational diabetes, I probably had undiagnosed full blown type 2 diabetes. And the test was right! I remained diabetic after my baby was born (via elective Cesarean at 39 weeks). Although this pregnancy and the next where an unpleasant routine of finger prick tests and needles, once I had my babies in my arms the needles where over, and I took insulin in tablets. Which is annoying, but fairly civilized.
I've tried to be reasonable about having diabetes. I have a love affair with food but I try to stick loosely to diabetic diet guidelines. I exercise a fair bit. I walk (fast) about 6 - 8 hours a week. I have some extra kilos that are stupidly hard to move, but I persevere with living my life the best I can, like anyone else. I keep my doctors appointments and I don't skip my medication. This is clearly not enough.
I understand the connection between being overweight and having diabetes, I'm not an idiot. I know I am overweight, and mostly have been for the majority of my life. I have many, many relatives with diabetes, going back a few generations, and this substantially increases your risks of developing diabetes type 2. Knowing this, and despite my best efforts, I still haven't managed to lose the extra weight. I've never been above a size 18, but even if I had been, I don't deserve diabetes. No one does.
A few years ago my doctor told me to start taking insulin via a needle, once a day, as well as the handful of tablets I am taking as a before bed snack. I mourned a bit but got on with it. Yesterday, despite my
This just fucking sucks. I know it is what my body needs, I get that managing a chronic disease means taking ongoing treatment that might be unpleasant and uncomfortable, and I KNOW that things could be so much worse. I know that becoming a pin cushion is comparatively easy compared to many other far worse things. I know there are people dying of all manner of nasty diseases, I know that there are children starving in third world countries and here I am whinging like the privileged first world girl that I am. With my first world medical issue, in a first world epidemic.
Forgive me, but it still fucking sucks.
It's just a few needles, right? It's just managing my diet (what I eat, when I eat, when I inject) The alternative is maybe having my legs amputated in a decade or so. Maybe I might not get to see my grandchildren, because if I have not died an early death, I might be blind. So obviously there is no choice to be considered.
Diabetes type 2 is apparently one of the dangers of the 'obesity epidemic'. The problem with this popular media headline is that it kinda feels like a judgement call on fat people, that somehow they deserve diabetes and they only have themselves to blame. If you think this is true, please go and fuck yourself. Not all overweight people develop diabetes.There are lots of people with diabetes type 2 that are considerable not overweight. Obviously this is not me. But please don't tell me I deserve to have diabetes, because I might rip you a new one.
xx
(linking to FYBF)
I'm so glad I manage to scrape a pass for that test each time. Having GD was a bitch, especially when combined with lactose intolerance and general fussiness.
ReplyDeleteI think the hardest part is not the needles, or the restricted diet, but the timing of each food. Too long and you're stuffed. Too short and you're stuffed. Talk about taking away the pleasure of eating!
Whenever someone gives you the look for shooting up at a cafe table, just tell them Fuverymuch, or offer to share. Both will shut them up.
The structured eating drives me nuts! I especially hate it if you have a late dinner then have to wait 2 hours for the blood test before you can go to sleep. Grr! When I was pregnant with The Gentleman I sent out an office email advising people that just because I was shooting up at my desk, didn't mean I was a junkie. I'm quite happy to say fuck you to whoever gives me the look :)
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That DOES suck! I'm so sorry to hear that you are trying so hard and still not getting the results that you need. That must be so frustrating and disheartening. People can be unbelievable dickheads! I hear you. We all hear you. Stick at it, I can only assume that if you weren't already living a healthy lifestyle your condition would likely be much worse so try to take some comfort in that and in the meantime make the men coddle you a little and take yourself on a sushi date xx
ReplyDeleteAww thank you! It is disheartening, but I guess you've got to ride the horse you're on. It's just the way my body is, and I have to deal with it, even if it isn't fair. That's what I keep telling myself. But I will also tell the men in my life that they need to coddle me, Sheri said so!
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I was a little shamefaced about my whiny first-world problem post today - but your situation DOES suck. What a pain in the butt. Or the stomach, or thigh, or wherever you have to stick that needle. For so many reasons we don't always do what we are "supposed" to do, but mainly because we are not robots, we are lovely, flawed humans. Doesn't mean anyone 'deserves' anything. x
ReplyDeleteThanks Lovely. I do feel like I'm whinging, and thats because I am! I'll get over it soon.
ReplyDeletexx
Geeze. If someone has told you that you deserve it then they are a real arse!! Seriously! I hope that it gets easier for you to manage your diabetes, not harder, and that soon they will find the cause and cure for it. xo
ReplyDeleteThanks Talia, so do I! I think the cure for me is to stay on top of the pincushion routine, and hopefully that will get easier.
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Wow. Don't know what to say, except thank God I don't have diabetes ...
ReplyDeleteJanet, I hope you never get it either.
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Of course you dont deserve to have diabetes. It sounds like you have a healthy lifestyle - particularly if you are walking 6 to 8 hours a week. That's more exercise than many people do in a month.
ReplyDeleteI know, right? It's just not fair!
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I've ranted elsewhere about the many ill-conceived public opinions that go hand in hand with the 'obesity epidemic'. Health is, clearly, very important but judging someone else's lifestyle (especially from a distance) is never helpful. And no one 'deserves' to be sick. It's a credit to you that you are wise enough to know there are people in the world worse off than you - but in your world, this is a shitty situation and you're entitled to a little steam release now and again!
ReplyDeleteThank you for that gorgeous comment, lovely. I truly appreciate it. I'm going to go look up your rants!
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My niece has Type 1 diabetes and watching her go through everything she has had to go through has been hard. No-one deserves diabetes, whatever form it comes in. No-one should have to continually check their blood glucose levels or calculate how many grams of carbs they can afford to eat or inject themselves with insulin multiple times a day. I feel for you and hope that everything you are doing now can help you live a long and healthy life.
ReplyDeleteOh, your poor niece, Kirsty! My grandmother had type 1 diabetes. The whole routine is such a pain in the arse.
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ReplyDeleteOh diabetes is just effed. My dad has type 2, my sisters in law and mother in law all have type 1. It is ghastly the way people talk about the obesity epidemic, Gah, I hate it. It's so pejorative and diminishing. Sending you supportive vibes...from Sarah ( AKA Slapdash Mama).
ReplyDeleteIt's so annoying! Honestly, we are going through enough without having Judgy McJudgersons dumping their crap all over us. (spell check just tried to change Judgy to Pudgy. Heh)
ReplyDeleteHope your family enjoy long and healthy lives, Sarah/Slapdash.
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First, you totally have the right to whinge. This is crazy that some people are so heartless to say that if you have diabetes it's because of your weight. No one deserve to be sick regardless of who they are and how much they weight. I don't know much about diabetes but I know 5 people who have it (I don't know which type) and they are all tall and slim. I'm sending you positive virtual thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you for getting it, and thank you for those positive thoughts, I'll take all I can get!
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My brother is skinny as a rake and has developed Type 2 diabetes so it's stupid how they associate it to being overweight or obese. It's just not the case and I wish mainstream media would stop portraying it as such.
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to get upset. Hope that it all becomes under your control x
Thank you Grace, so do I. The math is doing my head in but I'm sure I will get there in the end. best wishes to your brother, I hope he takes it in his stride and continues good health.
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I have sighed a big sigh reading this post. I think I'm in denial. I've had GDM twice. My younger brother developed Type II at 32 and he was not at all fat/obese. It's just in my genes. I know the doc told me my risk of getting type II is so much higher now but I've not been as careful as I need to be. I did have to taken insulin injections so I know what that's like but it was only for about 2-3 months; twice. To take it permanently would be so disappointing and heartbreaking. It may be inevitable that I get it but I need to make more effort to allay its onset. Damn that chocolate! Damn my lack of self-control!
ReplyDeleteVeronica, you can do it! I know all too well how easy it is to just ignore the dangers. I just keep telling myself I need to do what I need to do. I'm off to the diabetes educator now to ask lots and lots of questions. I really want to kick this thing in the arse!
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health and sugar free chocolate (but not too much or you get diarrhea)
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I can very much relate. The past two and a half years have been a diabetic rollercoaster for us. Husband ended up in hospital one day, very sick. He was told he was type 1. A year later he was told he's type 2. Now they're not really sure what he is. I use the term ex-diabetic now - he's sort of at a pre-diabetes stage but on the way out, not in! I could write so much on this (and I am writing a book on it) but please know others out there completely understand what you go through.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your understanding, I appreciate it. Your poor hubby! Sounds like he had a pancreas/liver problem that is resolving (please know I have NO medical qualifications at all). How fantastic that he is getting better! Best wishes with the book, I wish you every success in the world.
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